


a ringtone wakes me up (i turn over and close my eyes)

by annyeongniel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Break Up, Broken Hearts, Cheating, Established Relationship, Falling Apart, Hurt, Lowercase, M/M, Sad, tagging makes me want to vomit, this is really shitty im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-03 01:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14557593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annyeongniel/pseuds/annyeongniel
Summary: jeno just wants jaemin to tell him what's wrong.





	a ringtone wakes me up (i turn over and close my eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> this one shot is based off [ this tweet. ](https://twitter.com/smoltaehyungwon/status/991050203892461570?s=09) and _you._ it has been almost a year since we ended _things._ i hope you're happier with her.

edited

jaemin was jeno's first love. his first kiss, first time, first _everything._ jaemin was the man who could make his heart beat wildly in his chest and make him smile like there is no tomorrow, the man who made him feel alive. he was the first person jeno thinks of when he wakes up and the last person he talks to before he sleeps. it was like magic, like he was under some kind of spell but he _loved_ every single second. it was like he was in a fairy tale. he thought it would last forever. 

  


he was wrong. fairy tales didn't hurt like this. 

  


suddenly it wasn't like magic anymore. jeno is welcomed by reality pouring a bucket of ice cold water over him. it's not like their first month of living together anymore, and jeno sleeps without jaemin by his side and wakes up alone on the big lonely bed. there is breakfast on the table but it's cold, just like how he is feeling. thursdays weren't _their_ movie nights anymore, and jeno finishes the popcorn by himself. he goes to work without the packed lunch that jaemin used to make and buys food from the chinese restaurant across their building instead. 

  


jeno tries to comfort himself. _it's okay, he's just busy._ he would think. _it will all go back to how it used to be._ he would say. but he knows better. it won't go back to how it used to be and jaemin is not just busy. he knows that sundays are not for dinner dates and that his heart is not beating wildly but is throbbing painfully. 

  


one day, jaemin comes home surprisingly early from work. he felt obliged to stand up from his comfortable position on their couch to welcome his boyfriend. he kisses him on cheek like how he used to but it feels _forced._ he still gets those butterflies but jaemin just feels so distant and so fucking cold. jaemin looks at him in the eyes and _smiles._ he fucking smiles like their relationship is not falling apart at all. he smiles _that_ smile that makes his eyes form crescents and his stomach do backflips and just like that, his heart is jumping out of his chest again like there's nothing wrong. that night, jeno sleeps in jaemin's arms and jeno starts to believe in magic again 

  


he shouldn't have. 

  


a week passes and jaemin is so far away again. it's like they don't even live in the same house. it's been four days since they last talked to each other and jaemin isn't even replying to his texts. he tries to understand, _he tries so hard._ but he can't. is it so hard to type an _i love you too?_ apparently it is. jeno goes to work distracted and frustrated and it's all because of jaemin. is it so wrong of him to want to make this relationship wrong? is it too much to ask what's wrong? jeno just wants to know. he wants the magic to go back and drive him crazy again. he wants the late night talks back but he feels like jaemin just does not care. if he really cares, how can he not talk to him for days? 

  


instead of sleeping early, jeno waits for jaemin to come home. when jaemin finally opens the door, he doesn't stand up. he just stares at the man before him. jaemin frowns and jeno thinks, _what the fuck, you go on days without talking to me and you expect me to welcome you with open arms?_ jaemin sets his things on the coffee table and sits beside jeno. 

  


"what's wrong, baby?" he asks, _he has the fucking audacity to ask._

  


"i don't know, jaemin. what's wrong?" jeno snaps. 

  


jaemin pursed his lips and looks at jeno while the latter just stared back, studying his lover's features. his messy brown hair, his captivating eyes, and his _lips_ jeno has to force himself to look away and looks at jeno in the eyes again. he suddenly spots something that isn't supposed to be there when jaemin moves to a more comfortable position. a purplish mark above his collarbones, and jeno feels anger bubbling inside him again. 

  


"what's this?" jeno asks quietly, afraid that his voice might break. he points at the mark on jaemin's neck and looks at jaemin in the eyes again, expecting an answer. 

  


"i—" he sighs deeply. "baby, this is nothing. now tell me, what's the problem?" he asks again. jaemin holds both of jeno's hands and brings them close to his lips. "hm, baby?" 

  


there he goes again. jaemin always makes him feel like there is nothing wrong, there is nothing to worry about, and that he got angry over nothing. he always does his and jeno believes it every single time. once again, jeno forgets his anger, he forgets that nothing is okay about this, and lets himself melt into jaemin's touch. 

  


he knows he shouldn't have. he knows that he should have removed jaemin's hold on him, he knows that magic isn't real, and that his heart shouldn't have thundered in his chest like it was his first time touching jaemin. he feels those stupid butterflies again and jeno practically _crumbles_ in jaemin's arms. he hates it. he hates how easy jaemin makes it seem and how stupid he is for believing his lies back then. 

  


_maybe if i hold on, it will all get better._ jeno thinks. 

  


"i love you." 

  


"i love you too." 

  


of course it didn't get better. 

  


jeno sleeps wrapped around jaemin's warmth and jeno hopes for time to stop and to stay in that moment forever. he tries to sleep but he can't, so he just stays there, eyes wide open. he can feel jaemin's steady breathing on his neck and to him, that is enough. he feels like he is actually home for the first time in a while. he lets himself relax and let's himself believe that _this is magic,_ and that it will all get better. 

  


jaemin's phone suddenly rings and jeno squeezes his eyes shut. he hears jaemin retrieve the phone from the bedside table and feels him remove his right arm that he was laying on. he feels jaemin press a kiss on his left cheek. 

  


"i'm sorry." 

  


but why is he sorry? 

  


the ringing stops so jeno assumes that jaemin has answered the call. 

  


"hey baby. did you miss me already?" 

  


oh. 

  


_oh._

  


of course. jeno really should've expected it. of course jaemin found someone better than him. he feels his heart breaking in his chest and the magic... maybe the magic never really existed.

  


jeno cries himself to sleep and prays that it's all a bad, _bad_ dream. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> thank u sm for reading, i hope it isn't as shitty as i think it is hmmmmmmmmmm
> 
> twt: @ssssumiiii


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